A pocket

My girl just told me that thinking about her having been born here and never moved makes her think of this house as being a pocket that holds something special.

I asked what is the special thing it holds. She answered, 'me.' lol I asked what would happen if she hadn't been born here, or if we move. She said that then the other house would be the pocket.

nut.

There is that topic again!

I am not sure there is another fine, Christian, conservative, homeschooling family who talks about sex as often as we do! I hope there are, but I am not sure!

Yesterday we began our school day as always, praying for families we love. As a result, we got into a long conversation that began with my explaining the complexity of adoption. I told the kids that there are several reasons why someone may be adopted--they are orphaned, abandoned or the government has decided the care they are currently receiving is not good enough. It is this last scenario that is the most complicated.

We talked about the parent who is losing their child. We talked about how God made everyone in the situation, and while a decision must be made, we must pray with loving compassion for all involved--there are no bad guys.

My boy said he understood why things are so involved when there is a parent fighting to keep her child, but he said he didn't understand why people aren't allowed to just grab orphans and bring them into the family with a lot less fuss. I explained that there are people who would want to grab them, but not to love them and give them a bright future in the Lord.

My boy's other concern was HOW could ANYONE just leave their child. This one completely stumped him. Enter our family's apparently favorite topic!! I talked about how many people call having a child is starting the family. That mindset shows that we have (1) put a whole lot of pressure on a little person who herself depends on others for everything of life (2) nearly abandoned the idea that family begins with two people joining together in marriage. Because many children are conceived without already belonging to a family, there is not the support or structure to help with the pressures that come with caring for a new person. As a result, people give up and walk away. especially young men, since they carry in their body no consequence, leaving a child before she is even born can seem like the easiest thing to do.

My boy said he'd never walk away. I told him that if he decided to have sex with someone before marriage, the choice may not be up to him. If he joins with a girl who knows sex outside of marriage is a sin, she may prefer abortion over telling her parents.

The conversation continued--it really is a conversation, with both kids talking as much as I do. we talked about how it is possible to get pregnant the first time you have sex, but also it is possible to not get pregnant or sick even if you do it 4000 times! (I can hear friends gasping whenever I have these conversations! lol)

I quickly told them that pregnancy and sickness aren't the only things that can happen with sex, though. there are things that happen each and every time we have sex: we give ourselves, and we make memories. We talked about how when we go to McDonald's, we have memories of being there with other family and friends. When they are there with good friends, they will tell stories of being there with cousins, and vice versa. the same is true with sex. If you have had it with one person, and then on your wedding night, you are with your new partner, there is someone else there with you in bed who does not belong. This is a painful reality that you cannot take back. There is only one first. You have only one body. And the greatest gift to give your dh or dw is to offer that gift with no other memories, pure and untouched on your wedding night.

See? I only corrupt them a little! :)

Christmas is coming

We have been blessed by some sweet cards and sweet treats dropped at our house the last couple of days. It is so nice to feel loved! Sometimes it embarrasses me that my love language is gifts. It is the 'greedy' love language. And the one that is used as an example of not-love. You know, the rich parents who get there kids everything, but never really loved them? The absent dad who sends the coolest toys, but won't bother to visit?

But I sure love gifts. I love getting packages. I have felt so loved by ladies dropping by homemade treats for my family.

I am so thankful for the friends I have and the connections we've made over time. Sometimes my focus is so wrong, and I am humbled this time of year when people take time to remember family and friends. I am remembered among them, and it blesses me!

Holiday Schooling

I am trying to be faithful to schooling each day, but it is such a struggle. I blame the holidays, knowing full well it has nothing to do with it. We aren't doing anything for the holidays that would take us away from schooling. I keep hoping that there is something on the computer to keep me from getting started with our school day.

The fact of the matter is I just have a hard time getting started. I love school. I know it is better for my kid and family to do it. I am really looking forward to what we are learning now, and what is to come. And I still have to fight myself to get started.

Why do I fight good things? Paul said he struggled with it. I believe him, but the personal struggle is just so...personal! It feels so unique. I feel that although I know with my head others struggle with choosing right, that my fight is the first and only of its kind. I am ashamed.

And I know better. I KNOW BETTER. It is a soapbox issue for me, the idea of people claiming their pain or motives or feelings can't be understood by anyone else. I believe God gave us feelings--all of us the same. We feel the same feelings in any number of situations. He made us for community, and we divide ourselves with lies of pride that our pain is ours alone.

And, I come back to feeling so alone and helpless in my battles with self-discipline. Maybe because it is something I must fight alone. No one can actually make me school. No one can force me onto the treadmill. No one will push my nose between the pages of Scripture. These must and should be my choice to engage. There is no point if it were any other way. If I were compelled by some outside source, the joy would not be mine, either.

I praise You, Lord for making Your mercies new every morning. I sure need them!

Purpose

It is so easy to live life taking care of needs. I think the catch phrase is 'tyranny of the urgent.' Max and I just talked about this the other day. We have priorities and we say that certain things are decidedly more important than others, but it isn't reflected in how we spend our day.

I think, for me, it is more than just tyranny of the urgent. I am not running around taking care of things that can't wait all the time. More often, I am screwing around in front of a screen--until something urgent comes up. :) So, I am a lazy procrastinator! *sigh*

It is hard for me to fight that tendency and live life on purpose every day. I do well for a while, but slip so easily in to the old habits. I wonder if habits are only bad? I don't feel that I have any good habits. Perhaps I am right. Maybe by definition an act that is for good can't be a habit. Who wants to be loved by habit, anyhow?

So, I gotta try harder, get back on the horse, nose to the grindstone and...what? dig in my heels? Any other phrases apply? More journaling here, get back to walking, more time with my wonderful man, more time with my wonderful savior who loves me just as I am.

I have been a little down in the dumps the last few weeks. Better now, but I wonder how much of it is just to keep pushing through. Things got hard, and I did push, I stayed diligent. But then I felt that maybe taking a break would refresh me. I think it is when I took that break that things actually got worse, but I was so down I couldn't even notice.

Lord, help me to push. Help me to keep living, moving through water, rather than lying down to have it wash over and drown me.

flattering...but no good! (a very shallow post)

My girl has been asking for bangs for a while now. I keep putting her off. Her hair is so pretty. And I fear she will have my bangs--horrible! I think she sees her friend's pretty bangs and imagines hers will be as pretty.

So, I just told dh about this, and he went in to talk to her. She told him that she has been trying to tell me for so long something, but I keep breaking in. Tattle tale! LOL So, dh called me in to let me know that she has been trying to tell me something and that I need to listen. Goodness! So, I sit and am ready to listen.

She says, 'Mommy, I like your bangs. I think they are pretty.'

geez. They aren't. They are wiggy! They go every which way and are very uncooperative.

Anyhow, our deal still stands. I told her to wait until the end of the month and if she still wants them, I will give them to her. *sigh*

Can't protect them from everything, can we?

what a busy and fabulous week!

The week flew by! Katie came on Monday and gave Brian and I a date--much needed because we were NOT connecting the previous week. That turned into quite a blessing, because when we were walking through Wal-Mart--a classic Susanville date--we found our next book for book study!

Tuesday was our quarterly planning meeting. That went well, with the usual pandemonium that goes into preparation. I also made 7 meals that morning. Wednesday was the regular dance, Lego Club and the second of three rehearsals. Thursday I did school with the kids in the morning with all five kids and then it was supposed to be a haven day that I got to spend with my sister. the eye of the storm, peace and a moment of just us time. Nope. The kids all of a sudden became needy as all get-out. Interruption after interruption. I was so frustrated, and kept telling myself to not be such a baby!

Friday was our first day of Holiday classes. There is no one better to have by your side in a classroom than Katie. She did the crafting of the gifts while I ran kids through the skit. It was good, but more chaotic than I like. And the boys were not listening well at all. I don't like being a meanie, but I like chaos less.

Saturday was a four hour rehearsal. Stupid Vet's Hall triple booked their building and we were essentially corralled in the basement for 45 minutes while they figured out what to do with us. The most frustrating thing about that is the amount of money it costs to rent the place. Susanville and buildings!!!! Don't get me started!! It is shameful and disgusting how building owners behave.

Then the recital was that night. Almost until 10 pm! I couldn't get out of my head that there are four year olds in the show. And at the end there was this love-fest between the sick owner and the teen dancers. It was too much, too intimate, too sloppy and TOO LATE!

But...

Madi was FANTASTIC! She smiled through every dance. She was beautiful and beautiful and beautiful. I had fun in the basement helping the girls with costume changes and keeping them happily quiet while waiting their turns. I am very proud of her.

Sara couldn't make the recital and sent her such pretty roses in her place. It was such a surprise and so kind of her. The Thomases did make it, and brought her flowers as well. The kindness of my friends humbles me and makes me walk on clouds!

By Sunday, there was no longer a haven of dog-hair free zone in my house. Katie was really suffering. She was a mess, barely able to breath. I sure wanted her to stay, but hated her being in misery. But she did stay! We had Assembly at my house and it was a nice meeting.

Yesterday, Monday, Katie and the kids went home, I attacked the kids' rooms and laundry and rested up.