School

We are doing school today.  I feel like I am holding on by my fingernails.  We are right where we need to be, but I am cutting corners--academically and with my spirit.  School has turned into a checklist and nothing extra!  I am so eager for the next year, and so distracted by the fun of summer, and so focused on the preparation for a new KidsROCK season, that I am short changing where we are right now. 

I get this picture of turning a tight corner on a windy mountain road where the land drops away faster than you can drive.  I am making it around the corner, but only on two screaming wheels. 

I want to have fun with school--but I want to be done with school!  I want to have fun with school--but I want to go play at the river!  I want to have fun with school--but I need to get lesson plans written, website updated, homeschool group money balanced.  I want to have fun with school--but insert any excuse you like here.  Geez.  I am an eight-year-old!

Last summer we were productive, on task, getting all this wonderful meat from the lessons.  And we finished early enough in the day to play all afternoon.  When we schooled through summer, I thought I'd struck gold.   This summer I am just a grizzled old man scraping at the saloon floor for a bit of dust. 

I must say that today is the first day I have felt relatively human after a stomach bug.  Maybe as I recover I will get myself in better gear.  I am bored of this life lesson--live for today.  Haven't I already learned it??  Hmmm....I guess not.

What is supposed to freshen?

I love my darling boy, but the kid needs a bath!!  He is more than a little odiferous this morning.  Despite the urgency, he somehow got behind my daughter in line for cleaning. 

I love my darling girl, but the kid takes ridiculously hot baths!  She routinely sets off the smoke detector.  She has finally developed the habit of turning on the fan to help dissipate the steam. 

So, after her bath, we told the boy to run, not walk, to the bath.  He made his way in; he spun right back out.  Then he came and asked if he could wait for the bathroom to freshen up a bit before he took his bath. 

Son, I am not sure the bath is in need of freshening in quite the way you are!

TMI

I fail to see the point of a menstrual cycle if there is no possibility of becoming pregnant.  Especially when once a month  one feels as though one might just vomit up one's uterus.

What an unworthy post this is!

Outrunning Dreams

I know that everybody dreams.  So many people I know don't remember any of theirs and even claim to not dream.  I have always been able to remember many of my dreams, and my memories are very vivid.  Most of the time I like this.  I often try to stay awake just a little longer so I can hold on or finish a particularly intriguing dream.

But last night!!  First, I can remember a bunch of dreams, and they all were so uncomfortable.  In one I couldn't remember what my dh looked like!  In another, everyone was waiting on me and I couldn't find matching shoes.  Then my dog kept escaping and I felt so inadequate in making her behave, keeping her harness on, or getting her into the crate. 

In another I had gone to all this work setting up for a recital--not something I ever do--where the girls would change their clothes.   The one truly in charge had things set up entirely different.  I am even embarrassed to write about that, because it was so audacious for me to go around setting up for something I had no business doing. 

In my dreams last night, there were so many random people from my past.  I was back at the church I'd attended in Folsom and working.  A man from that time had carved two wooden signs welcoming me back from maternity leave.  It was so bizarre, but I just felt hot with anger.  I hadn't had a baby, and hadn't been on a break; I'd been working the whole time, but just in another area or something.  I kicked the sign over--like an overgrown baby!

Am I working through feeling inferior, or what??   On mornings like these, I find myself lingering in bed, not to hold on or extend a dream, but in a daze.  I don't feel like I actually slept or rested at all.  The whole night felt like a wrestling match.  I am worn and feeling ashamed. 

Blech!

Picture It!

My daughter came to me, with something I can only describe as gleeful guilt.  She said that last night she wanted to draw the picture.  She thought she should wait until morning but was afraid she might forget.  So she took the flashlight in her room, her notebook and colored pencils and drew a picture.  I think this was part confession, part bragging. 

She says she drew it in love.  I let that one be, but it makes me curious about what she meant by it.

Once I came to the computer, I called her over to tell me again about the picture.  I am taking a bit of dictation below.

"I wanted to see what it would be like if it was just me and God and no houses.  So I drew a tepee.  There is green grass and inside the tepee is a small little fire.  There is a bush and a small pool of water.  There is a  tree wtih a long branch with Jesus and me sitting down on it.  There are great big mountains that I think I made a little too big.   I added a gorgeous sunset.  OH, I almost forgot!  I added crowns, too.  A small one for me and a big one for Jesus." 

The photo just isn't good enough.  Wish my scanner would behave to give a clearer shot of her creation.  I have to say I wouldn't mind sitting in a tree at sunset by a pool of water with Jesus. 

Psalm 55:22

My sweet son came to me this morning and said that he hadn't been feeling well last night. He said he wasn't sick, but sort of had the uneasiness that comes with being sick and couldn't describe it more than that.

So he got up, turned on the light, woke up the puppy for company and grabbed his Bible. He said he cried with it in his lap and prayed, 'Jesus, when I open this Bible, please let it be on the exact spot where I need it.'

He found Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.

He said the he cried. He was so happy that God had answered his prayer and he understood.

I have never endorsed just opening the Bible to find a personal message. I appreciate that he asked first. I am not really comfortable with the idea that my son was alone crying in his room. I want to say that I want him to come to me when he needs comfort. But...I am so thankful that he decided to go to the One who will always be there for him.

Feeling Sick Today

I am feeling just a little under the weather, but I stayed in bed until the kids woke up this morning.  They both joined me and we chatted.  I let them know I wasn't feeling so great and that eveon thought today is only our second day at the retirement home and if I have something contagious, I feel obligated to cancel.

My girl asked, 'what about us?'  What other response to that question is there than, "What about you?"? 

She asked what would happen to them if Daddy worked overtime.  I let her know that if I didn't go to the retirement home, even if Daddy comes home in time, no one would go. 

That isn't what she meant.  She wanted to know what would happen to them, herself and her brother, with me as the only adult in the house, but sick in bed.  :)

Ah!  I let her know that everything would be OK.  I am a mommy, and mommies know how to be sick and mommies at the same time.  I added as only a half joke that we just hold the baby while we throw up. 

She was quiet for a while and I thought the issue was dropped.  Then, so quietly, she asked:
"Will you teach me?  I don't know how to do that.  When I am sick, I just want to be in bed."

So sweet!