Attachment

We were on a waiting list for attachment therapy and it would seem that every local qualified therapist left to have a baby last year.  In desperation, I started reading in every spare moment anything I could find on trauma, attachment, and home therapy solutions.  I discovered (like 80% through a massive tome on attachment) that attachment and play therapies are what we do most naturally with our kids!  Why was it so hard for me to find?!  I invoked the homeschooling motto “Well, I can do that!” and got on with it.

Here's my disclaimer: I am not a therapist and have little academic training in therapy.  My experience with professional therapists in caring for my foster and adopted kids has all been positive. They know more than I do, but they are difficult to access, and I need to serve my kids today.

Attachment therapy, as I understand it, is engaging with someone using the five senses either focusing on one sense at a time or combining them. The point is to attach one to another in as literal a sense as possible to build trust and lasting emotional attachment. 

So for sight, we sustain eye contact during songs, games, and snuggles. We play the staring game. We stop what we are doing to look at each other when we speak, especially when we praise each other.

We surround ourselves with ‘positive’ smells using essential oils, yummy food, and soothing lotions. Baking cookies or popping popcorn have us all breathing deeply!

We share new or favorite foods and talk about them in detail; if I can actually feed them, all the better. Universal Yums sends a box of snacks from a different country each month.  We share the box with family friends, and it has become something we get so excited about.

We listen to music and our surroundings on a walk. And we love to sing! This school year we have been working on harmonies and rounds, which require active listening. The girls also do well listening to read-aloud stories.

We tickle backs, caress hair, wrestle with safety parameters, swing, and give tight squeezes for touch activities that grow attachment.

Generally, I try to have at least four sessions with each girl every day.  The time is frequently shared, and other times I work one-on-one. “This Little Piggy,” butterfly kisses, mirroring, and echoing games are regulars. I kiss without the smack because it’s hilarious to my girls. We get eye-to-eye until one of us giggles. And we don’t waste bath and hair time.  They have become sacred as we sing songs dedicated to each girl, pick out colored barrettes, and massage in sweet lotion.

How have you been attaching to your people?