These are words we continue to define and refine for our kids as they grow. We started this when our first kids were young to help protect and arm them against predators. It’s been useful over the years.
Secrets are a no-go in our family. Surprises, on the other hand, are fun things to share. The difference is that a secret would make someone sad to hear and there is no planned time to tell someone. A non-scary example could be breaking or stealing something and wanting to stay out of trouble. Surprises have a reveal date and the person out of the loop will be happy to know. Gifts and parties are good examples. People often use the terms interchangeably, so we drill the definitions so that our kids know what is being asked of them.
Privacy refers to things that belong to us and we choose to whom we reveal them based on our comfort and reason. Examples are body parts and embarrassing stories.
There are things about my kids’ histories I wish I
knew. I am jealous to have not been
there to share the mundane every day of their first years. Other things are not so good. Slowly, they reveal story by story as they
feel safe—and as their own minds bring them to the surface.
One reason I began blogging was to give a peek into the life
of raising adopted kids. There is so
much I never knew. I want to help
adoptive families and people who love adopted families by shining a loving light
on what is going on. But we do have
these words. Private. Surprise. Secret.
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